You may have seen so-called “journalist” Jordan “Baby Ginger” Devore claim yesterday thatKonami won E3because of their ridiculous press conference. Some of you may have thought he was kidding, but poor Jordan is actually really excited by wan mirrion troops and dancing games (bless his heart), and has been talking incessantly all week about how he’s buying all those games day one.

If Jordan had bothered to, you know, actually do research, he would have found that Ubisoft clearly has a stronger line-up. First of all — they’re innovative. How many games are there about dancing? TOO MANY. If you want to dance, go to your local disused arcade (the one with the originalStreet Fighter IIcabinet where jab and roundhouse both don’t work and you can’t duck) and playDDR. Ubisoft is taking a bolder approach and entering uncharted territory withBreathing: The Game, which you can see in the conference video above.

Article image

Second, they had a kind-of-attractive girl doing a cartwheel (0:46) when she showed off some laser tag game, which you’re able to see after the jump. Again, innovation. I don’t seeWii Fitasking you to do cartwheels. Originally, I thought Konami had a reasonably attractive girl at their press conference too, but it turned out to be Naoki Maeda. Another point to Ubisoft.

Finally, Joel McHale’s suit was really nice and kind of shiny. I bet it cost a lot of money. Thomas Nagano wore a urine-yellow polo shirt. You do the math.

Hell is Us gameplay reveal

Black Ops 6 Season 5 Multiplayer Ransack Mode

Tekken Tag Tournament 2: a black and white Jin and Heihachi stand back-to-back.

PEAK Bing Bong plushie

Silent Hill f: a woman’s face covered in blossoming but deadly looking flowers.

Mei NERF gun in OW2

Battlefield 6 vehicles combat

Several men standing and watching at an explosion in the distance in Battlefield 6.

BO7 key art